Recently I found out that I am no longer allergic to mold. That was the good news. The bad news was that I am still allergic to spring pollen and I am now allergic to dust mites too. To anyone that isn't allergic to dust mites, you may be thinking to yourself, "Big deal, what is the difference?"

The difference is that if you are allergic to mold, you just stay out of damp dark places. Not a real hard thing to do if you think about it. You merely stay out of old damp basements, caves, and other havens for mold. If you are allergic to spring pollen, you only have to suffer for a relatively short period of time, but if you are allergic to dust mites, anywhere you go, you are at the mercy of these tiny little critters.

Dust mites live and thrive anywhere, especially in fabric. They are in your bedding, your mattress and box spring, your carpets and pillows. They live under your bed and in your dog’s bed. Anywhere in your house that collects dust is like a Hilton for these dirty little varmints. Duct work is a great place for them to hang out, and in the winter when you turn on the heat, they fly out like little commandos on a mission from God.

It isn’t that I am allergic to the mites themselves, it is that I am allergic to their waste. That is, their fecal material. What a wonderful thing to find out at the age of 43. I am now allergic to Dust Mite Poop! Not only that, now I have to go out and spend hundreds of dollars, possibly thousands of dollars, to rid myself of the symptoms.

For those of you who at this point may be laughing at me and pointing a finger, guess what? Just because you are not allergic to them, it doesn't mean that you don’t have them in your house. In fact, when you go to sleep at night, they crawl all over your face. Especially around your mouth, eating little bits of food that were left there from dinner or that midnight snack. If you wash really well and you think that you are safe, think again. They will crawl all over every exposed inch of your body and feed off the dead skin that is sloughed off during your daily duties, and then poop all over you! On top of this little bit of good news, they resemble a cross between a horseshoe crab and a tick. Their legs have the unshaven look of a European call girl and 100,000 of these nasty eight legged arachnids live in only one gram of dust. So, when you snuggle into bed at night and close your eyes just remember, there is an army of these scampering little buggers yelling "Okay boys, soups on!"

Ahhh hahahaha! How do ya like me now?